Always too rushed

I feel like my posts are always too rushed. I spend so much time reading other blogs that when I finally get down to posting on my own I forget what life is really about. I usually make a list of what has been or what will be, but I never seem to focus on what is. I have another confession. All the blogs I usually look at are filled with bright wide eyed faces full of life and laughter, faces who just came from heaven. I'm jealous of those faces in so many ways, one being that I don't have one of my own to post. I don't know that I've ever taken much time to tell you about the faces I see every day. They've been here just a little longer. 14-15 years, some of them even longer than that. They're not quite as bright or wide-eyed. Some know they come from heaven while others never had a chance to know. They fill my life with mixed feelings of love and hate! No, never hate. I love them so much and that is often the problem. You see, Algebra never was my favorite subject either, but now I know that it is important and I want them to get it so badly. It's more than that though. Everyday this year I have prayed for the strength to love my students, to love them like Heavenly Father loves them. I have asked Tyler for countless blessings this year and in every one the Lord has taught me that I am only an instrument in His hands. He knows what they need, and it is through me that he is able to work those miracles, to teach them. There are days when I come home feeling completely defeated with little hope for the next day. Those are the days when I cry or just get so mad I can't even shed a tear. Those are the days when I want so badly to make a difference, to help someone learn, but feel that it is impossible. Those are the days when I want to give up. But then something happens. Usually a good night sleep. I get up in the morning, take a shower, eat a few bites of breakfast, get in the car and do it all again. Then something happens. On those days I look back into my classroom before closing the door and thank Heavenly Father for giving me those kids, those crazy fourteen and fifteen year old noisy, unruly, animated kids!! Those are the days when they're easy to love. Those are the days when I can't help but smile because they can factor a silly quadratic equation and find the x-intercepts! And I taught them how!! I know, what a seemingly useless act (unless you just happen to want to be a rocket scientist, engineer, or even a math teacher - go figure!)

I don't know if I can really portray to you in words what it feels like to be a teacher. What it feels like for instance when a student comes to turn in an assignment after school, you say "Thank you and have a great afternoon." His response in that fifteen year old drone, "You too Ms. Jessup" No the Mrs. never really seems to be enunciated! Or how about the girl who drove you absolutely crazy last semester. Smarter than smart, but lazy and sassy as ever who comes up to you this semester and says, "Mss. Jessup, I wish I was in your class again, I think I actually learned something." Wow, I about fell over at that one. So they really do listen. They may not take everything I say to heart, but it's true, for better or for worse, they are my students. And again, for better or for worse, someday when their kids are in freshmen algebra my name may just find it's way to the dinner table!

Here's to a great year at Evanston High School! I can't believe how good it's really been. What will I ever do with myself all summer?

Keep smiling!

KJ -- wait, Mrs. Jessup!!